Official 2007-2008 Guide to Euphemistic Political Bullsh*t

Submitted by Brooks and B Ra... on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 11:14am. Tags:

Politics

I originally posted this "glossary" on 4/25/07 on TownHall http://rationalguy.blogtownhall.com/ (scroll down to see it there) and posted a slightly updated version (with clearer column headings) on SwordsCrossed on 11/12/07 http://swordscrossed.org/node/1721, which I'll paste below (below dotted line).

I think it's still a useful guide, and will be for a long time, IMHO.

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It's here! It's here! The Official 2007-2008 Guide to Euphemistic Political Bullsh*t. There should be at least something here to piss off just about everybody...unless, that is, you can see your own side's bull for what it is.

Guide to Political Terms and Phrases
*User*	*Term or Phrase*	*Intended Meaning (What they want you to think it means)*	*Actual Meaning of the Term in the Real World [or what they REALLY mean, if indicated in "[ ]" brackets]*	*Political Objective*
Democrats	Government funded	No one will have to pay for it.	Taxpayer funded	Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others.
Democrats	Working Americans	Americans who were not born so obscenely wealthy that they have never had to work, and who therefore work but do not earn much more than the nation's median income (presumably, anyone earning more must not be "working")	All Americans who work to make a living.	Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others.
Democrats	Fair Trade	The principle that other nations shouldn't be allowed to cheat American workers out of a job.	[What they REALLY mean] The principle that businesses should not be able to give jobs to desperately poor people abroad unless they pay them wages comparable to those of middle class Americans.	Preventing Americans from losing jobs to dirt-poor people abroad who need the jobs even more (and, for politicians, gaining union campaign money and votes).
Democrats	Undocumented Immigrants	People who came here by creative, unconventional means.	Illegal immigrants (unless a bureaucrat has simply misplaced the paperwork).	Get Latino votes.
Democrats	Equal Opportunity	Prevention or correction of racial discrimination in employment and education.	[What they REALLY mean] Technically, affirmative action. More descriptively, racial preferences, or, from the standpoint of the non-preferred, racial discrimination. (Winner of the Orwell Award)	For African-Americans, an opportunity to gain an advantage by being judged "by the color of their skin rather than the content of their character" (bizarro MLK). For Democratic politicians, gain African-American votes. For anyone else, avoid being labeled a racist.
Democrats	Universal Healthcare	Equal healthcare rights for all Americans.	Taxpayer-funded healthcare for anyone not othewise covered. (To be paid for using money recovered by allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire, money that will be used a second time to fund entitlement liabilities and a third time to reduce the deficit to restore fiscal responsibility.)	Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from middle-class and wealthy Americans to lower-income Americans.
Democrats	Progressive	A person who prefers enlightenment over ignorance and and improvement over the status quo.	Liberal	Offer a more palatable word than "liberal" to centrist Americans.
Democrats	Redeploying troops from Iraq	We're leaving but not quitting.	Withdrawing troops from Iraq	Get our troops out of Iraq and making it sound like just a different military strategy.
Democrats	Iraq Plan	Just leave and the pain will stop.	[What they REALLY mean] Just leave regardless of whether or not staying would be likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Republicans" section)	Use the Iraq issue to retain and increase power in Congress and to take back the White House.
Democrats	United Nations	An organization in which nations work together in good faith to seek peace and justice for all.	Individual nations pursuing individual interests in the same building, claiming at all times to be acting on principle. Other acceptable definition: global auction house in which votes are purchased if the price is right.	Emasculate our foreign policy so we can feel less hated abroad.
Democrats	Hillary Clinton	Principled statesperson who puts our nation's well-being above personal political ambition.	Whatever the polls and consultants tell Hillary Clinton she should be today.	Elect Hillary.
Democrats	Barak Obama	The man who can transform our nation's politics and rescue us from partisanship.	A very intelligent, articulate, good-looking politician with only 2 years of political experience at the national level, no executive experience in government or business, a relatively short adulthood so far, and whose positions on the issues few people know, but who is nevertheless favored by a significant portion of Democrats to be our next president.	Elect a Democrat who is less phony than Hillary.
Democrats	Dennis Kucinich	Standard-bearer of liberal idealism.	User of political fame to achieve the widest gap in attractiveness between wife and non-rich husband in the history of marriage. (Beauty & the Leprechaun)	Mission accomplished. So clever it almost makes me want to vote for the guy.
Democrats	Pro-Choice	Supporter of liberty and privacy.	Supporter of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being.	Keep abortion legal and unrestricted.
Republicans	Values	The core codes of conduct that distinguish good people from bad and which keep our culture and nation from unraveling.	[What they REALLY mean] Evangelical sexual mores and the need to legislate curbs on individual rights accordingly -- not to be confused with frivolous concepts such as integrity, courage, loyalty, kindness, compassion, industriousness, self-sacrifice, tolerance, or fairness, all of which are apparently outside the scope of values.	Get as many Americans as possible to become or stay fundamentalist Christians.
Republicans	Protecting Marriage	Keep homosexuals from denigrating your marriage by equating it with their perversion.	[What they REALLY mean] Denying homosexuals equal marriage rights. (How gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage is left to the imagination. Note: This term is not to be confused with a non-existent mass effort to reduce our 50% divorce rate by placing more legal obstacles to divorce, which would fit the term much better but as of now is entirely theoretical.)	Prevent/reverse legal status of same-sex marriages.
Republicans	Opposing "Special Rights" [for homosexuals]	Opposing Superior Rights	Opposing Equal Rights	Prevent homosexuals from gaining equal rights, and win elections by stoking bigotry and baseless moral condescension.
Republicans	The 2nd Amendment	Your fundamental, constitutionally guaranteed right to bear arms for fun, protection, and to keep the government from getting too powerful by maintaining the threat of insurrection.	The right for individuals to bear arms for the purpose of serving in a well-regulated militia (or modern counterpart) to defend the nation or defend a state from the federal government. ("A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.")	Miminize restrictions on weapon ownership, regardless of any consequences. For politicians, get campaign contributions from the NRA and win rural male votes.
Republicans	Terror Alert / Elevation of Threat Level (archaic term: last heard in 2004)	Message from the Dept. of Homeland Security: Don't do anything, but get scared, and vote for the guy who seems most likely to kill someone to protect you. (Not heard since the 2004 Bush re-election.)	Unknown.	2004: Get Bush re-elected, along with as many Republicans as possible.
Republicans	Support our troops	Support our plan for the war and continue funding it, unless you want to get our most patriotic Americans killed.	Appreciate the service of our troops, make sure they have what they need to do their job, take care of them when they get home, and don't keep them in a war unless we have a damn good reason.	Keep the troops in Iraq
Republicans	Iraq Plan	Stay and we will prevail.	[What they REALLY mean] Stay regardless of whether or not it is likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Democrats" section)	Stay long enough for Democrats to force a withdrawal so they can be blamed for "losing Iraq".
Republicans	Patriot Act	You're either with us or with the terrorists…and we'll know based on your support or opposition of this law.	Expanded Government Eavesdropping Law. (Will any politician who wants to scale it back need to introduce a "Treason Bill"?)	Sacrifice civil liberties to reduce the risk of terrorism.
Republicans	Mistakes have been made [in Iraq]	Some anonymous third person screwed up.	I made mistakes (big mistakes).	Avoid blame.
Republicans	Death Tax	The moral equivalent of grave-robbing.	Technically, the estate tax. More descriptively, the inheritance tax, almost all of which affects wealthy beneficiaries.	Government confiscation and transfer wealth from the middle class to the wealthy. (“Death tax” is useful for those who wish to repeal it because death is the only thing most people oppose more than paying more taxes so wealthy people can start inheriting estates tax-free.)
Republicans	Consistent, pervasive liberal media bias	The brainwashing conspiracy that is the only reason you have any negative opinion of any Republican or his/her positions.	Selective anecdotal evidence of what are arguably individual cases of liberal bias. (Note: Cases of bias to the right constitute "fair & balanced" reporting.)	Scapegoat every Republican defeat (and encourage listenership of right wing radio and viewership of Fox News)
Republicans	School Prayer	Religious freedom (see also "Values" above)	[What they REALLY mean] A law that would force a public school teacher to coerce public schoolchildren to recite a prayer written by politicians and/or bureaucrats. (Not to be confused with the act of praying in school, which anyone can already do).	Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce children to worship (specifically, to worship in accordance with monotheism and ultimately fundamentalist Christianity.)
Republicans	The Ten Commandments	The foundation of our legal system (among other things), worthy of placement in our courts.	A list of demands, backed up by scary threats, supposedly provided by an imaginary man in the sky, only three of which relate to crimes, and the first four of which consist entirely of requirements to worship a particular deity exclusively.	Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce adults to worship. Also, use the prestige of the state to affirm the validity and superiority of Judeo-Christian beliefs.
Republicans	Flag-burning	A threat to the nation so grave that we should amend the constitution to override the First Amendment.	A form of unpopular political expression, which the First Amendment was created to protect.	Revoke our freedom in order to protect our ultimate symbol of freedom. For politicians, an opportunity to make your opponent look less patriotic if he/she has more integrity, political courage, and commitment to actual freedom than you do.
Republicans	Strict constructionist	A judge or justice who is not so presumptuous, arrogant and megalomaniacal as to rewrite our constitution to reflect his/her personal preferences.	A judge or justice who will seek to overturn Roe v. Wade.	For politicians, a winking signal to Pro-Lifers that he/she will appoint judges and justices who will overturn Roe v. Wade, while leaving Pro-Choicers clueless.
Republicans	Tax "relief"	Tax cuts are the moral equivalent of helping victims of natural disasters.	Tax cuts	Tax cuts
Republicans	"Rudy"	The man who will save us from terrorism through his superlative anti-terror competence.	A man with zero foreign policy or military experience who, after the 1993 WTC bombing, located his Emergency Operations Center on the 23rd floor of the WTC (against advice of security experts), who never provided needed communications equipment to first responders, and who pushed Bernard Kerik for head of Dept. of Homeland Security. (Also happens to be the man who would be the ultimate flip-flopper on guns & abortion if Romney had not set the bar stratospherically high.)	Get a myth elected
Republicans	Mitt Romney	Former liberal who has recently seen the light and undergone a sincere conversion to pure social conservatism.	The most shamelessly opportunistic and unprincipled flip-flopper in political history. Believed only by the same people who believe that three weeks of rehab "cured" Ted Haggard of homosexuality.	Get elected and then follow the polls on every issue closely and act accordingly to ensure re-election.
Republicans	Maverick John McCain	A man who sticks to his principles, talks straight, and takes positions solely on what he thinks is right, regardless of the wishes of the Republican base and the party establishment.	What John McCain was before had a good chance at winning the Republican nomination (before the Straight Talk Express took a turn onto Flipflop Road and then a quick right onto the Pander Expressway). Yet...the most consistent of the top 3 of "Rudy McRomney".	Elect McCain
Republicans	I'll eliminate wasteful spending	I can restore fiscal health without anyone losing anything legitimate (all gain, no pain).	The only way I could find anywhere near enough spending cuts to reconcile my stand on low taxes with my pledge to eliminate the deficit would be to substantially cut defense and social security and medicare benefits, but I'd like to win the next election.	Get elected by not telling you what you don't want to hear.
Republicans	Fiscal Conservative	Advocate of low taxes AND fiscal responsibility.	[What they REALLY mean] Advocate of cutting taxes under any and all economic conditions, levels of national debt, unfunded entitlement liabilities and related threats to our future standard of living, who makes it all work by readily accepting all the most optimistic -- rather than conservative -- economic assumptions and forecasts, and who sometimes argues that tax cuts "pay for themselves" (generate higher revenues through higher growth), despite consensus to the contrary among economists, or who contends that tax cuts "starve the beast" (reducing spending by lowering revenues), or who contends both, despite their inherent contradiction. (Not to be confused with a true fiscal conservative, who would be concerned about our national debt and unfunded liabilities and favor realistic analysis and solutions).	Tax cuts.
Republicans	Tort reform	Prevention of frivolous lawsuits that are killing businesses and medical practices, and driving up costs for consumers unnecessarily	Limitations on your ability to sue and collect money from companies that you believe injured you, which does protect companies and physicians from frivolous lawsuits, but also also make it profitable for companies to market unexpectedly exploding, limb-tearing and surprisingly flammable products. (Not to be confused with a better pastry recipe.)	Rewarding large campaign contributors by limiting their product liability.
Republicans	Pro-Life	Opponent of killing babies	Opposer of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being based on anything other than his/her scripture.	Overturn Roe v. Wade
Republicans	Pro-Life with exception in case of rape	Opponent of abortion but with reasonable exceptions.	Opposer of abortion legality because the fetus is a human being, which makes abortion the murder of a baby, which should be legal if the mother was raped, as long as the murder is committed before the baby is born, not that the baby is any less of a human being before it was born.	Overturn Roe v. Wade. For politicians, gain Pro-Life votes without turning off every Pro-Choice and ambivalent voter.
Both Parties	Pork barrel spending	Wasteful spending of your tax dollars that I'll eliminate	Spending on projects in every other legislator's district or state (In my district or state it's legitimate constituent service)	Get elected/re-elected
Both Parties	Farm Policy	Protecting Farmer Mom & Pop, the people who get up every day at 4am to put food on your table, from sudden, unforseeable, Grapes-of-Wrath poverty.	Massive transfer of wealth from taxpayers and consumers to large farms and agribusinesses who make enormous campaign contributions. Also a means of preventing farmers in poor nations from competing in the U.S. market on a level playing field.	Keep those campaign contributions from Archer Daniels Midland rolling in. For presidential candidates or senators with presidential ambitions (i.e., all senators), win the Iowa Caucus.
Both Parties	In a post-9/11 world…	You must accept whatever I say next or terrorists will kill you and your loved ones.	We should take terrorism seriously and act accordingly.	Get people to accept any war or security policy I propose unconditionally and reflexively.
Both Parties	Moderate Arab State	An enlightened, pro-Western Arab nation with Western values.	A brutal dictatorship that commits gross violations of human rights, mandates an inferior status for women, prohibits free speech, and funds schools that preach hatred and violent jihad, but which is cooperating with us on security issues to a minimal degree and which is managing so far to keep it's seething population suppressed.	Maintain our support for Arab dictatorships that keep their people from electing Osama bin Laden, maintain stability for the time being, and keep oil prices from going even higher.
Both Parties	Under God [in Pledge of Allegiance]	Phrase historically and spiritually tied to our nation's heritage.	Phrase added to the Pledge in 1954 in the midst of McCarthyism and Cold War fears to distinguish us from, and assert our moral superiority over, the godless communists (as if a system of liberty vs. tyranny weren't enough).	Use the intimidating authority of the state to force or coerce children and adults to acknowledge a particular deity and tie it to patriotism.
Both Parties	Terrorist	Anyone who attacks non-combatants or our troops.	Anyone who attacks non-combatants.	Get Americans to support any war by characterising any enemy as the moral equivalent of al-Qaeda bombers who also pose an equal threat to the homeland.
Both Parties	(spoken in a speech) America is the greatest nation on earth.	If you love you're country, you should love me, too (since we agree that America is just super).	I'm going to insult your intelligence by being overtly and crudely patronizing.	Get elected/re-elected
Both Parties	Common Sense ______ (as an adjective)	If you disagree with what I'm proposing, you must be an idiot or a scheming scoundrel.	What I'm about to say is consistent with the emotional, knee-jerk reaction of a mob that has either avoided education on the issue completely or has diligently sought and consumed only information that would reinforce the initial emotional, knee-jerk reaction.	Make supporters unlikely to consider altenative points of view, and discourage "undecideds" from rational thought and investigation on the issue.
Both Parties	Reform	Improvement	Change (for better or worse)	Support what I'm proposing (unless you have something against improvements)
Both Parties	Fix Social Security & Medicare (also "Reform" or "Save" Social Security & Medicare)	Ensure the continuation of full Social Security & Medicare benefits while keeping these programs affordable to taxpayers.	Substantially cut Social Security & Medicare benefits and/or substantially restrict eligibility further.	Sound both fiscally responsible and fully committed to seniors' benefits, and avoid losing electoral support from seniors and soon-to-be seniors.
Both Parties	The Draft	An unnecessary sacrifice for members of our society.	A means of sharing the risk of getting killed in war equally across all socioeconomic levels. (Opposed by advocates of war who don't want to risk dying for it and opposed by opponents of war who don't want to risk dying even if it would make war much less politically feasible and therefore much less likely.)	Avoid pissing off almost every voter.

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Hmmm. . . (#103438)

by M Scott Eiland on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 11:37am

. . .this seems a little murky, under "political objective" for "death tax":

Government confiscation and transfer wealth from the middle class to the wealthy. (“Death tax” is useful for those who wish to repeal it because death is the only thing most people oppose more than paying more taxes so wealthy people can start inheriting estates tax-free.)

How is repealing the estate tax an effort to confiscate wealth in any way, shape or form?

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Because for any given level (#103452)

by Brooks and B Ra... on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 12:44pm

Because for any given level of revenues, if someone is taxed less, someone else must get taxed more. We have an enormous, unsustainable long-term fiscal imbalance. Taxes will have to go up sooner or later, along with spending reductions (or more precisely, cuts in projected spending that will mean a reduction in utility per person). Or looked at from the other side of the same coin, cutting taxes on one group means another group won't get (or won't get as much of) a tax cut. Either way, a tax cut for some means others will be forced to pay higher taxes than they otherwise would. See?

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Um, No (#103550)

by M Scott Eiland on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 5:24pm

Even assuming your premise about taxes inevitably going up is correct, we don't know where those taxes are going to be coming from the middle class; indeed, history suggests otherwise. In any event, none of this justifies the term "confiscate" with regard to cutting taxes of a particular kind--if any confiscation takes place, it will involve other decisions.

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I'll tell you what: Let's go (#103572)

by Brooks and B Ra... on Thu, 07/17/2008 - 6:39pm

I'll tell you what: Let's go out for dinner. When the check comes, I'll exempt myself from paying my half (not borrowed from you, nor promised to pay the whole check next time). Let's see if you feel that I've confiscated some of your money.

Look, it's theoretically POSSIBLE that the same relatively small group of people who get one tax cut today will pay incrementally that much more (in present value terms) tomorrow, but that doesn't mean it WILL happen or even that there is some particular reason to consider it HIGHLY LIKELY or even more likely than not. Yes, it is indeed plausible that our digging ourselves deeper into a fiscal hole overall will result in "the rich"* paying incrementally that much more in taxes, and yes, I'd even say that they will end up paying a higher share of total taxes than they do today, but I don't see a reason to believe (let alone to be certain) that, of the incremental after-tax income of estate beneficiaries, 100% (in present value terms) will be eventually paid in incremental taxes by those same people. Nor, just to be geekily precise, do I think that that could be said even of the net loss to the Treasury after considering dynamic (revenue-feedback) effects and incremental GDP.

Which means that the ultimate effect of one group getting this tax cut is that others would eventually have to pay higher taxes to cover at least some of loss to the Treasury. And because the gummint don't exactly ask you for it, it's confiscation.

So your argument that the same people who benefit from that tax cut today will essentially repay all of it tomorrow is refuted.

Which leaves your other argument, essentially that the tax cut itself is not the same as increases in taxes later, i.e., they are separate acts, so even if one makes the other almost inevitable, it doesn't count as causative. To which I say, "mmmm that was a good meal. Have you paid that check yet?"

* "The rich" is a vaguely-defined segment in terms not only of magnitude, but also of dimensions, such as net worth vs. income. Ask anyone who is earning a lot annually but who is still carrying a ton of educational debt (e.g., medical school), and who is getting taxed out the wazoo on his income, if he feels "rich".

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