Death, thinking of it, being exposed to it and the certainty that each of us, and all those we love, will be taken one day sobers the human experience. In some ways, each happiness we find, no matter how profound, no matter how surprising or enduring is merely "whistling past the graveyard." I suspect that our fellows who pass suddenly, whether by accident, misadventure, tragedy or naturally really are, in the words of Grumpy Old Men "lucky b*st*rds."
It must be far more difficult to know that disease will win, but not knowing exactly when nor what one will be asked to physically tolerate as the end approaches. For those who must peer into the mist, knowing that the hooded figure is coming, the burden of the temporally uncertain certainty as well as the extreme physical discomfort can be revealing of one's deepest character and truest self. Perhaps in some ways we can consider that a gift from one we love who is leaving us.
I hope the most peaceful, if not the most painless, path is afforded to those who have lived their to be truncated lives well. I hope honorable people, who tried to do the right thing always, who rarely blamed others for their failings, whose forbearance of other imperfect humans stand as examples to all of us can understand at the end how much they have been appreciated and loved. I hope those who chose the difficult path of bringing new life into this difficult and magnificent place, who reared those new lives with skill and dedication, understand that their children chose to do the same in part in tribute to those who had raised them and are now leaving. I hope those whose time is ticking too fast, too fast and still choose happiness and laughter and grace, above all grace, can see how we watch them in awe and want only to ask that they not go, not yet, please, not yet.
But of course, they must, as we all must. He has entered the room and both the fortunate for today and the dying are comforted by the realization that this is not the end, that Death's power is only of this earth. I hope as he anticipates his temporary victory, Death views with respect the fierceness of her fight, the honor of his foe and the majesty of the family, not limited by blood, she has created, nurtured and to whom she has presented an extraordinary example of a life well lived. If courage is indeed "grace under pressure," then she has equalled any soldier.
Heaven will be a brighter place in a short while, too short a while. Those who remain have been witnesses to a work of art, a selfless life lived with enthusiasm, energy, faith, wit, honesty and dedication to her family and the right action.
Godspeed and thank you.
Personally, I want to know it is coming
(#3793)Sudden death is something I fear more than lingering illness. But that is me.
I would wish time to set down my many juggling balls. Even inside my own head.
God willing, I will have that opportunity. A very long time from today.
The proper balance between defense and welfare are the tectonic plates that lie beneath our political discourse.
Depending on the age and the situation
(#3819)sudden death is often a gift. Watching someone die by inches as the mind remains alert is very unpleasant just speaking from experience.
““I am sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you’re not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we’re Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration!”” –H
I have often overseen the
(#3822)preparation of Durable Powers of Attorney for Health Care and the prior Living Will documents. A choice not to pursue extraordinary measures; certainly NOT pull the plug which I oppose. (Provable brain death means the person has already died, by the way.)
Slow lingering death is a terrible prospect.
But as a subjective matter instant death tomorrow in a car wreck frightens "me" more at this moment in my life. Give me a week or month to arrange my juggling balls.
The proper balance between defense and welfare are the tectonic plates that lie beneath our political discourse.
Speaking as someone who suffers from chronic illness...
(#3865)...a day or two to put things in order is good, but the spirit is sapped through constant struggle with one's own faculties.
"In the very long run, we are all dead." -- John Maynard Keynes, 1st Baron Keynes
I agree...
(#3893)I despise sudden death. Sure, slow death is painful. I've seen it up close and it is an ugly thing. But if that is the price I must pay in order to be able to set my house and my mind in order, to say goodbye to the people I love, so be it. Nothing is free, and we can't really complain if the price of foreknowledge is steep. The benefits are also great, assuming the mind remains lucid. Obviously a lingering semi-conscious state is the worst fate of all, painful and pointless at the same time.
I've also observed that in most cases the most degrading part of the experience comes only near the end. A good case for euthanasia at that point can be made. It's truly the humane thing to do, the intelligent thing to do.
I am not a pessimist. I am an incompetent optimist.
This subject has been much on my mind of late
(#3794)My sister lies dying in a hospice in the Bronx due to complications from cancer. At 40, she is far to young for this, with a young child that doesn't really understand. Her liver is failing, and over the last few weeks we have been watching her die by inches as her body poisons itself and is unable to remove the toxins. It is not a surprise, yet no less painful for that knowledge.
You have written a beautiful essay, though it hits very close to home. I think I'll print it out and take it with me tomorrow when I visit her. I don't know how long she has left, it can't be much longer. I just hope that she doesn't suffer longer than she must.
--- I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. My life is my own.
No Words
(#3829)Only the hope that God will bless her passion, and your witness to it.
That's how it is on this bitch of an earth.
Beautifully Expressed, Thanks nt
(#3828)..
“Two clichés make us laugh but a hundred clichés move us, because we sense dimly that the clichés are talking among themselves, celebrating a reunion." - Umberto Eco
Ah . . . That, Yes
(#3836)As the years pass by -- no, accelerate by -- I find meditations like these to be of ever-increasing interest and comfort, and really nearly the only thing worthy of much passion. The political tempests that so buffet the young now just make me smile. Death really is the only thing. And the only meaningful question about it -- and the question from which all others deserving of mature attention flow -- is whether Death truly is just the meaningless cessation of biological function. Is Death really nothing but a soulless cog in the cold engine of natural selection? Or is it really black magic, evil's ultimate instrument, to which the resurrection is a completely perfect, loving and victorious response? Do any other questions matter?
Thank you, Jackson Mead.
That's how it is on this bitch of an earth.
A provocative response
(#3922)to a provocative diary. I couldn't agree more with either of you. I'll debate anything, frequently with passion, all day long. But when I find myself sleepless in the dark hours, it's not life I think about but the end of life. Not from fear or worry, but from the perspective that all else is vanity besides the immensity of death.
"There are sneakers that cost more than an iPod." -Steve Jobs
Au contraire.
(#3927)Look, friends, the only possible way to enjoy life is not to be afraid to die. A zest for living requires a willingness to die; you cannot have the first without the second. The '60s and '70s and '80s and '90s can be loaded with the zest for living, high excitement, and gutsy adventure for any truly human person. Truly human? I mean you descendants of cavemen who outlasted the saber-tooth, you who sprang from the loins of the Vikings, you whose ancestors fought the Crusades and were numbered the Golden Horde. Death is the lot of all of us and the only way the human race has ever conquered death is by treating it with contempt. By living every golden minute as if one had all eternity. - Robert Heinlein, Seattle, 1961
Nobody gets out of here alive, man. Not yet, anyway. In the meantime, I prefer not to dwell on it but rather minimize the chance of it happening before I'm bored with life.
"Unfortunately the universe doesn't agree with me. We'll see which one of us is still standing when this is over." -- Eliezer Yudkowsky
Works for me...
(#3941).
The K Codes explained HERE.
Understood
(#3973)In fact, I find life far, far more interesting now than when I was younger, and my fear of death diminishes in direct proportion to its imminence. The Heinlein quote is interesting and attractive -- in a let's us senior citizens all go bungee jumping before we die sort of way -- but I wonder if it really speaks to the profundity of the question.
That's how it is on this bitch of an earth.
I hate to say it, but....
(#3981).....another Heinlein quote, to the effect that a human being may be a zygote's way of producing another zygote, may sum up the other end of the question. The profundity is the now, not what comes after.
"Unfortunately the universe doesn't agree with me. We'll see which one of us is still standing when this is over." -- Eliezer Yudkowsky
I can agree with this one
(#3984)At 53, I find myself much less horrified at the thought of my own mortality that I did at 23. What does weigh on me when I think of it however, is the effect on my family. The idea of a long debilitating and expensive illness and death scares me not out of concern for pain or the fact that I would exit at the end, but because it would have such a long-lasting and potentially devastating impact on my family's future.
And Heinlein can make those jumps without me...I've already seen the elephant.
Thanks, spc.
(#3896)It is amazing, is it not, how thoroughly we get distracted by bills, promotions, petty rivalries, little worries, vanities, and of course cheap entertainment? You would think the important things in life would have a stronger hold on our attention. But they don't. They get lost in the clutter just like everything else -- love affairs, family, noble causes, lifelong dreams. And it can be hard, very hard, to get your sense of proportion back in time to do something about it.
M Aurelius was probably right.
Yes, Memento mori
(#3916)Death twitches my ear: “Live,” he says, “for I am coming for you.”
Virgil’s words are simple and cut clean through to the bone. Good advice that need not be qualified.
Just the week before last I watched my father-in-law take his last, gasping breaths. Lung cancer was the Reaper's merciless scythe in this case. It was so very sad, and so very final. He was a very good, decent man; brave to the end, never complaining. Herodotus reports that Solon told King Croesus that you always wait to judge a man’s life by how he meets his end. Well, my father-in-law did not go quick but lingered--a week. He did, as concerns M. Aurelius, have time to say good-bye. They were sad good byes especially for us. He never cried or seemed depressed, but only asked that we do our best to look after each other, and especially he wanted his children to “take care of your mother.” His courage in death and his concern for others even at the end was moving. He had no regrets and passed from this world with the his final words to my wife: “I love you.”
I hope to meet my end as well.
As for the fear of death, let me quote from one of Lord Russell’s essays. His talk is about “How to Grow Old,” and says the following about overcoming the oppressive fear of death:
“The best way to overcome it—so at least it seems to me—is to make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river—small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past boulders and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being. The man who, in old age, can see his life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things he cars for will continue.”
Mater mememto mori
It is perhaps our greatest luxury
(#4389)as leisured modern men, to fear death.
It is when we welcome it that the comforts of both science and religion begin to seem irrelevant. When that moment occurs then we realize how truly each of us is alone.
In the meantime, let us rejoice in the remarkable career of Swedenbourg and others like him and assert with them, 'There is no death--only separation. And eventually, reunion.'
Swedenbourg
(#4479)'There is no death--only separation. And eventually, reunion.'
It has been a long time since I read any Swedenbourg, Kierkegaard. Good quote.