...this is weird, my fellow mates from the 'Nam insist that I am in several combat scenes here; especially starting at 1:30 minutes in, and also 7:00 and 9:00 at the Tuy Hoa assault....this is all very odd to me. Of course the worst of it is off camera, and before, but still...it is different to see yourself firing away up on the Cambodian-Laotian border, the green mountains alive with enemy wanting to kill you...and visa versa. Odd indeed.
I remember all of this; if I wasn't in the actual camera frame sometimes, I was there nonetheless.
I have tried to avoid talking too much about the Nam, but, yesterday our old radio man, humping that PRC 40 Radio everywhere, called me again from Colorado insisting I look at this video sent to me by Steve, our old Medic.
Sigh. It's me but it is not me.
Faulkner is simply wrong when he writes his most famous quote: "The past is never dead. It's not even past."
I tell them, and other soldiers now suffering from PTSD that I counsel, "A different Place, a Different Time, a Different Person."
They say I'm wrong.
I don't know.
Maybe I don't need to know.
But here I am as I was.
Collecting bandeliers of ammo and dashing back to the front. Strange, foolhardy.
I wept yesterday when he remembered me as a..."natural, a good soldier."
Best Wishes, Traveller